Thursday, 8 February 2018

Bye Vaginismus!

Hello my lovelies.

Grab a tissue, this might get emosh...  This is going to be my final post on Hey Vaginismus!

I never, EVER believed I would be writing this, but I had sex yesterday.  Actual penetrative sex with my husband, and it was only a tiny bit sore.  I am completely mindblown and overwhelmed... I am sure you'll agree that vaginismus-brain is good at making you feel like you're a total failure.  It was the biggest surprise of my life when I realised that I had it in me to win this fight.  I'm not silly- I know there's still a journey ahead, and it might not be plain sailing.  But I now know for sure that a penis can go inside my vagina.  WOW.

So at the ripe old age of 32, I 'lost my virginity' and, according to my therapist, don't have vaginismus any more. WHO EVEN AM I?

Well, let me tell you who I am.

I am the co-founder of The Vaginismus Network.  Alongside my friend Lisa, who first made contact with me after reading Hey Vaginismus!, we have set up a network with the aims of connecting up women with vaginismus to support one another, cheer each other on, remind each other to dilate and remove the aching, horrible loneliness that goes hand in hand with vaginismus.  My main aim when I started writing this blog was to find a vaginismus friend.  Actually being able to do this has changed my life and my perspective on this condition.  There are so many of us out there.  And most of us are not talking to anyone about what's going on, or how it feels.  Find yourself a vaginismus friend.  It is vital.

So, The Vaginismus Network is here.  It's still a baby, and we're still working out exactly what we can achieve and offer.  Our first meet up will be held in London, in April.   Please come if you can.

I will leave Hey Vaginismus! online, so that the posts are still available to read.  However, I won't be updating the blog or using the Hey Vag email.  If you would like to stay in touch though, you can find me at: vaginismusnetwork@gmail.com

So.

That's that.  Hey Vaginismus! is no more.  Vaginismus is no more.  But I spent enough time with it to know that some serious work needs to be done in educating people about this condition, and enabling women to easily find others in the same boat. I am so, so passionate about this.  Vaginismus might be on its way out for me, but I will always be a women that has suffered from it.  That will never go away.  And I'll do my best to make sure that other women don't have the same lonely, isolating journey I had before starting this blog.

Hey Vaginismus?  Bye Vaginismus x x x




2 comments:

  1. Hey there, this is BIG NEWS! Congrats! I've been following your journey since you've put up the blog.
    This nearly brought tears to my eyes, seriously!

    I do suffer from this myself. This brought a bit of hope to me today. Thanks!

    Wish you all the best in your "new life". And a loooot of fun ;)

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  2. I have been wanting to write about vaginismus for almost 7 months now. A term that I learnt about at an age of 33 and honestly felt like end of the road. Initially when i started to date and things got serious with my first boyfriend and we weren't able to have sex, i really thought that maybe i wasn't ready or this is not the right time or the right guy etc etc. But over time i really started to believe that something is wrong with me, specially towards late 20s. And once I hit the golden ripe age of 30 (with no sex), i was sure that something is definitely wrong with me. And the worst part is, I could not confide in anyone, as the ethnicity that I belong to believes in no sex before marriage being a good thing, no matter what your age.

    When i started dating my husband, i was dreading the day i will have to tell him about me being a virgin (not by choice). Though he understood that I have not had sex before, but i guess he was not able to comprehend that it wasn't by choice. When things got serious and we planned to get married, i thought maybe my mental block will clear out and all this would actually be nothing.
    But as our wedding approached, we figured that something is not right and that's when my doctor hit me with the word - Vaginismus. The good part - i knew for sure that i had something wrong, a thing which has a name. The bad part - after talking to doctor and doing billion internet searches, we weren't sure if this can go away and if it does what that timeline looks like etc etc.

    After almost having to call off the wedding, to trying out vaginial dilators, fingers, tampons of various sizes etc., my vaginismus was cured by soothing, caring and understanding words of my partner. I now have fully penetrative sex which is mostly pain-free. Though my husband still needs to calm me down each time (yeah apparently the muscles for me don't relax by default), i don't mind this tiny detour in blissful world.

    The reason for me to write this down is to hope that someday, someone lost like me will be frantically searching on internet on what's wrong with her, for wanting to know that she is not alone, for wanting to know whether there is a road ahead..For that someone, i want to tell you - please don't lose hope. Make sure you have someone to help you through this - a trainer, a friend, a partner, your mom, seriously anyone and chart out a plan with their help.

    Also, i think as sex education is compulsory is school along with knowledge of STDs etc, Schools should also educate young girls or guys on some lesser talked about issues like vaginismus or sexual disorders. Honestly, i should not have taken 33 years to even hear about it - maybe i could have done something earlier. It would have saved with a whole bunch of social anxiety, self-worth issues etc. I just wish that no other girl has to feel that way and question their anatomy ever.

    THank you all for reading!!

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