So after my last post, where I mentioned that I had been talking more about vaginismus to everyone that I know, I knew there was something I REALLY had to do.
I have, as I am sure I have mentioned, a tight-knit squad of incredible woman friends. We tell each other everything. Except I have known them for a million years, and never told them about vaginismus. This one seemed a bit more difficult. Not from an embarrassment point of view. But more because I worried that they might be hurt, or sad, that I had not felt able to talk to them about this before. It is such a huge part of my life, yet my best friends in the world literally knew nothing of it.
I decided it was time to fix that.
So, I told them.
I started gently, explaining that I had a 'painful sex condition' and had started blogging about it. Then I told them about all the incredible women I had spoken to, met with, shared stories with. And how I have only just started to be able to accept this as part of my life. And how I wish I could have spoken to them about it before now. But I couldn't. But I want to change that for other women. All of it.
I'm sure you can guess how the next bit went...
They were surprised, but ultimately so supportive. When I told them about the blog and all my plans to develop it, they told me they were proud of me. Then they immediately took it back because they know I hate that kind of sentimental crap.
But really, it made me happy. The truth is out. They now know why I run to the bar, toilet, hills whenever they talk about sex. They now understand why I don't stock tampons in my bathroom. They now KNOW ME. And after 15 years of friendship or whatever, I think it's about time.
So, who's next?
I feel like I am just constantly walking around talking about my vagina. But it's all been positive. I have never once felt stupid, or embarrassment or wished I hadn't said anything.
Vaginismus is still intact and still ruling the roost in my vag. But slowly, slowly I'm defeating it. The less I care about it, the less it can hurt me, right?