Wednesday, 25 January 2017

5 Seconds of Fame

This morning I talked to a journalist about my vagina.


An article was published by the BBC this morning about painful sex, which touched on a number of conditions, including our favourite, vaginismus.   Read it here!

I was contacted and asked to do an interview for BBC radio.  Originally I said no.  I am still super anonymous online, and my friends and family don't know about this.  I dreaded the idea of them driving along the road, casually listening to the radio and suddenly hearing my voice and realising I have been keeping a pretty major secret from them.

But luckily, the radio people were very understanding and offered to give me a fake name and an actors voice.

So I did it.

And you can listen here (Listen from 4:00 min)

Now, I think it's bloody brilliant that vaginismus was talked about on a national radio station.  At lunch time!  I'm not sure how many people would have heard it, but my very scientific guess is LOADS. And hopefully it's helped someone.  Because the more we can talk about vaginismus, in the middle of the day whilst eating our sandwiches, the more we can remove the shame, embarrassment and secrecy.

Speaking of shame, embarrassment and secrecy, I must confess that I snuck out of my office and gave the interview sitting at the side of a road, in my car.  And, of course, refused to let my real name or voice be used.  Because I'm not quite ready to be the vaginismus poster girl yet.  I'm currently the undercover vaginismus secret agent.

But maybe one day... :-)


Monday, 16 January 2017

Dilator Live Blog

So, after yet another dilator break, I decided to get them out tonight and get inserting.

I really can't write another post about starting again after a break.  Avid readers of the blog will know there are MILLIONS of those. I am the queen of stopping and starting.  Mainly stopping.  But tonight I'm starting.  Again.

However, I thought it might be a whole ton of fun to live blog my way through dilators.  Now, just to remind you, the biggest I have inserted is D3 (which is actually the 4th one in my kit. Just to keep you on your toes...)  I have not inserted dilators for a while, so not expecting this one to go in tonight but you never know... maybe the pressure of a live blog will work magic on my vag.

So here we go:

19:33- Lubed up D0 and located my vagina.  Dilator 0 slides in with relative ease.  It's a tiny bit sore getting past the good old PC muscle (muscles? Is there more than one? Who knows.)  But it's in.  That was fine.  I am going to sit with it inside me for a little while.

19:34- Urgh, kind of need to pee.  Must remember to pee before dilating next time.  WHICH WILL BE TOMORROW OBVS. LOLZ.

19:38- D0 still inside.  Feeling fine.  Will take it out now... Yuck. I really don't enjoy the feeling of a dilator coming out.  OK, time to lube up D1 and insert...

19:39- Ok, got the tip in the right place... but this isn't wanting to go in.  Ouch. STOP HURTING ME. Bastard.  It actually burns.  BIG SIGH WHILE I REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN D1 WAS EASY... CURSE MYSELF FOR LEAVING IT SUCH A LONG TIME

19:41- Paused for some deep breaths.  It is now inside. Always amazed how it eventually stops hurting after a certain point (The muscle/ muscles).  REALLY NEED TO PEE NOW. But I am not moving.

19:42- Feel a bit guilty.  Husband changed the bed sheets earlier and I've just spilled lube absolutely everywhere.  SORRY DEAR.  Luckily it's water based, so I guess it'll just dry?

19:43- I need to cough.  If I cough, will the dilator fall out? Just coughed.  It stayed in. Thanks, ridiculously tight vagina! Couldn't really face trying to insert that again...

19:44- This isn't very comfortable. I can feel my vagina spasming. One's fanny is not amused.

19:45- Took it out and slopped a bit more lube on.  Re-inserted it.  It slid in much more easily this time, with less pain.  Can't decide whether to attempt D2.  Probably shouldn't but I am actually quite enjoying this live blogging... CONFLICTED.

19:46- D1 still inside.  Spasming has now stopped.  Still need a pee.

19:49- Ok, I'm doing it. I'm going to try and insert D2.  Will be an ocean of calm, even if it doesn't remotely go in.

19:50- Fuck- forgot how big this one is...

19:51- OK the tip is in the right place... Just relaxing the muscles and will try and give it a wee push


19:53: I'd say about a third of it is in. It doesn't hurt at all.  But it's just not moving any further.  ANNOYING

19:58- D2 definitely not happening tonight.  And I REALLY have to pee.  Already spilled half a bottle of lube over the freshly changed bed.  Don't want to add any unsavoury body fluids to the mix.  All in all, not a bad attempt at dilating, given that I haven't done it in actual weeks.

I have no idea if this is actually a good blog post, or the ramblings of an idiot. Do let me know what you think!


Monday, 2 January 2017

New Year Blog Goals

Happy New Year everyone! It's 2017! So far, I have spent most of this new year sitting down, eating and watching Netflix.  Hope you've been doing the same (sometimes it's OK to not be super productive!).

I am sure we have all made the dreaded new years resolutions, and I am sure that for many of us that includes vaginismus-related things.  It could be using a dilator for the first time.  Or telling a friend about it.  Or even overcoming it.  We will all have our own personal goals and know what is achievable for us.

I am not going to write a big thing about my own personal vaginismus goals.  Instead, I thought I'd share my goals for the Hey Vaginismus! Blog. Because I have BIG ones!

I have been thinking for a while that this blog isn't really reaching it's full potential.  That's partly due to my time constraints, but also down to the fact that when it comes to building websites etc, my skills are limited.  But I know that there is so much more that Hey Vaginismus! could offer, beyond my sporadic ramblings and bad jokes.


When you do that first google search that leads you to discovering that vaginismus is a thing, and that you probably have it, many of the top search results on google are linked to websites that endorse or sell products.  It's hard to get a balanced view on treatments, and the condition itself when you are subtly (or explicitly) being encouraged to part with money.  Alongside this, there is information available on health websites that is dry and clinical, and doesn't really explain in an honest way what having vaginismus actually feels like (physically and mentally).  I am not trying to sell anything, and I am not a doctor. But I have had vaginismus for a very long time, and tried lots of different types of treatment.  I imagine I can provide good, solid facts that are easy to read, non-scary and relatable.


As you probably know, when I set the blog up, it was with the intention of finding someone with vaginismus and meeting them. I have now done that, and have also spoken to many other women through email and twitter.  This has been unbelievably helpful, and I feel lucky to have the opportunity to get to know so many other women in the same position.  I think Hey Vaginismus! could be a good springboard for women to connect with one another, and maybe even arrange to meet one another in their own area.
I would also like to try and arrange a bigger scale meet-up for any woman who wants to come along... It'll have to be in UK to start with (only because that's where I am!) but perhaps there is scope to connect other women up, around the world!


I would love to have some guest bloggers! Whether it's other women with vaginismus, partners of vaginismus sufferers, therapists, friends... Anyone really with something to say, and a different perspective.  Because my experience is only one story.  There are so many more.

These are just a few ideas.  But ultimately, I'd like to turn the blog into a bit of a hub of support and information for women with vaginismus- but with an attitude of positivity, humour and (dare I say) fun?  Because we're all still normal women at the end of the day! Why should we suffer clinical, boring and distressing websites when we want information on a condition that blights our lives and annoys us daily?


No need to explain this one... JEEEEEEEEZ.

So, watch this space.

I do have a real job outside of the blog, so these changes will probably be slow... But if you want to get involved or help, please do get in touch!
Wishing you all a happy, healthy, successful 2017 (vaginismus, and otherwise!).  Vaginismus sucks, but if we all pull together maybe we can make it a bit more bearable.

Lots of love!xx