I'm currently sitting in my old bedroom at my mum's house- home for the holidays and all that. The place where it all began... My first failed tampon attempt, the first time I looked at my genitals in a hand mirror and nearly vomited, the place where I began to suspect that things might not be quite right, the place that NEVER saw any sneaky teenage sex... There's something quite odd about being here, and knowing that it was no ordinary teenage bedroom. There's still a crucifix and a picture of the good old Virgin Mary stashed away in a drawer. I guess my mum's keeping them in the hopes that I one day change my mind, and find my faith again... Sorry mum... Unlikely.
I have been Grade A Shite at writing the blog over the last few weeks. Nothing is wrong- just been busy with all that the festive season brings. Christmas shopping, nights out, nights in and (sing it with me) driving home for Christmas, has left me with not very much time to think about my vagina. But I am taking a little minute to think about it now. And all of you.
I know that not everyone reading this blog will be celebrating Christmas tomorrow. But I will be, and I wanted to say that Christmas is a time for family and friends and being with the people you care about. And, you, lovely readers, are my little vaginismus family. I have told you things that I have not shared with my mum, sister, best friends. You have supported me and encouraged me in ways that have made me feel so grateful. I hope that I have provided the same for you. We are united by something awful and difficult, but through this we have found one another. For those of you that I speak to through email, I now know your stories, and I root for you and hope for your success in the same way that I root for my best friends when they are going through hard times. When I receive an email from you, I get the same excitement and joy that I feel when I hear from a close friend or relative.
You are my sisters.
So, whether you are celebrating Christmas or not, I want to say a big thank you and send lots of joy and love to everyone that reads this blog. I hope that 2017 is our year, the year we overcome, the year we say goodbye to vaginismus. But it might not be. And that is OK. Because we have each other.
Christmas can be a time for being over sentimental, and that ain't my style so I'll sign off here before I start going all Gwyneth Paltrow at the Oscars on you.
Merry Christmas, Vaginisters!