Thursday, 24 November 2016

Day Two in the Dilator House

Look! It's me! I'm back! Blogging two days in a row, yes. But also, DILATING two days in a row.

WOOOHOOOOO!!!!

Admittedly, this morning, I got up feeling much less motivated than I did yesterday.  I did yoga, made breakfast, looked mindlessly at facebook... I could feel it... AVOIDANCE.  I reasoned with myself.

AVOIDANCE ME:  Well, I did it yesterday, so I don't need to do it again today.

RATIONAL ME:  The only way it'll get better is if you keep doing it

AVOIDANCE ME:  Nah.  Not feeling it.  Oh look! A funny video about a cat and a penguin becoming friends!

RATIONAL ME:   NO!!! The best friendship of all is between a woman scared of her own fanny, a white plastic willy shaped creation and a bottle of very expensive organic lube. Now go and DILATE.

AVOIDANCE ME:  Jeeeez.  Fine. But I'm only doing the smallest one again.

RATIONAL ME:  Fair enough. No point rushing these things.

So the two sides of my brain managed to find a compromise.  I just stuck to the smallest dilator again today.  And it was all a bit familiar.  Even though I was prepared for it this time, I still managed to squirt the very runny, expensive lube everywhere.  I still needed a minute of poking around before I managed to locate my vagina. And then I slid little D0 in, with a tiny bit of effort.  But once it was in, it was fine.  I sat for a while, just feeling the sensation of it being inside.  And then, when I felt like enough time had passed (and the organic lube was starting to harden into a crust on my arms, legs, face) I slid the dilator out, washed it and put it away.

All very uneventful.  But I think that's what I need. The less dramatic the better.  It means it's becoming normal again.

So, I appreciate that might make for some very boring  blog posts.

ME EVERY DAY:  
YEAH DILATED AGAIN, IT WAS OK. NEARLY COULDN'T FIND MY VAGINA BUT THEN I DID AND IT WAS FINE. THAT EXPENSIVE LUBE IS REALLY F*****G RUNNY, THOUGH.

So I'll try and think of some other vaginismus related things to blog about... But will obviously keep updating on my progress! I am aiming to move up a dilator size tomorrow!

**Now, at the end of my blog posts I usually put my email address and a little shout out to get in touch.  While I LOVE hearing from other women with vaginismus, I would just like to say that I am NO SUBSTITUTE for an actual medical professional.  I can only provide my own experience, and lots of cheering and support.  If you have real medical vagina related concerns, please go and see your doctor! I would hate to give some terrible advice and make the terrible vaginismus beast even worse... **

xx


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