Look! It's me! I'm back! Blogging two days in a row, yes. But also, DILATING two days in a row.
WOOOHOOOOO!!!!
Admittedly, this morning, I got up feeling much less motivated than I did yesterday. I did yoga, made breakfast, looked mindlessly at facebook... I could feel it... AVOIDANCE. I reasoned with myself.
AVOIDANCE ME: Well, I did it yesterday, so I don't need to do it again today.
RATIONAL ME: The only way it'll get better is if you keep doing it
AVOIDANCE ME: Nah. Not feeling it. Oh look! A funny video about a cat and a penguin becoming friends!
RATIONAL ME: NO!!! The best friendship of all is between a woman scared of her own fanny, a white plastic willy shaped creation and a bottle of very expensive organic lube. Now go and DILATE.
AVOIDANCE ME: Jeeeez. Fine. But I'm only doing the smallest one again.
RATIONAL ME: Fair enough. No point rushing these things.
So the two sides of my brain managed to find a compromise. I just stuck to the smallest dilator again today. And it was all a bit familiar. Even though I was prepared for it this time, I still managed to squirt the very runny, expensive lube everywhere. I still needed a minute of poking around before I managed to locate my vagina. And then I slid little D0 in, with a tiny bit of effort. But once it was in, it was fine. I sat for a while, just feeling the sensation of it being inside. And then, when I felt like enough time had passed (and the organic lube was starting to harden into a crust on my arms, legs, face) I slid the dilator out, washed it and put it away.
All very uneventful. But I think that's what I need. The less dramatic the better. It means it's becoming normal again.
So, I appreciate that might make for some very boring blog posts.
ME EVERY DAY:
YEAH DILATED AGAIN, IT WAS OK. NEARLY COULDN'T FIND MY VAGINA BUT THEN I DID AND IT WAS FINE. THAT EXPENSIVE LUBE IS REALLY F*****G RUNNY, THOUGH.
So I'll try and think of some other vaginismus related things to blog about... But will obviously keep updating on my progress! I am aiming to move up a dilator size tomorrow!
**Now, at the end of my blog posts I usually put my email address and a little shout out to get in touch. While I LOVE hearing from other women with vaginismus, I would just like to say that I am NO SUBSTITUTE for an actual medical professional. I can only provide my own experience, and lots of cheering and support. If you have real medical vagina related concerns, please go and see your doctor! I would hate to give some terrible advice and make the terrible vaginismus beast even worse... **
xx
Keep Going! Waiting for your post and progress tomorrow ;))
ReplyDeleteThank you! :-)
DeletePrimary Vaginismus.
ReplyDeleteIf you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.
It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.
So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.
Or be CELIBATE.
That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception. Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of therapy which is just time consuming.
Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
God does NOT want you to have sex.
If your a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.
God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.
VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
God truly works in strange ways.
I am now an enlightened man.