Monday, 17 October 2016


So, it turns out I was right.  Meeting someone with vaginismus is pretty great.

As I mentioned in my last post, I finally managed to meet up with a fellow vaginismus lady last week, and actually talk about all of this face to face with someone who GETS IT.

And, as expected, it was great.

We chatted about everything- how we found out we had it, awful experiences with doctors, smear fear, tampons, dilators, sex, ALL OF IT.  And we laughed about a lot of it too.  And we had those moments of 'This is going to sound really crazy...' and finding out that it didn't sound crazy at all to someone else with vaginismus.

What we did agree on, is that there is just not enough information out there about this.  Now, clearly, this is not breaking news.  We all know this.  But to share experiences of trying to be diagnosed, and dealing with insensitive and downright ridiculous suggestions made by doctors and sexual health professionals about how to deal with our problems, made it pretty clear that vaginismus diagnosis and treatment is just not good enough.

Why should two grown adults have to meet in secret in a cafe and lower their voices every time the waiter walks past for fear and shame of being overhead?  Why should it take a year of anonymous blogging to find another woman with the same health condition, and sit and have a discussion about it?


I don't have an answer, unfortunately, but leave it with me.  Once I set my mind on something, I usually do it - except for inserting the biggest dilator of course LOLZ

But in the meantime, I can't recommend enough tracking down a fellow vaginismus lady and having a coffee with her.  If you have no idea how to go about finding your vaginismus friend, send me an email and tell me where you live.  If two people from the same place get in touch, I'll hook you up! I'm in the UK, if you want to have coffee with me...

Really though, you should.

Having vaginismus involves a lot of sitting around and feeling like the only person on a very sad planet.  But sitting face to face and chatting about it with someone in the same position normalises it in a way that I never thought possible.

Get in touch!

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Happy Birthday To Vag!

Hello vagina friends!

It's time to get a little sentimental, because Hey Vaginismus! is celebrating it's first birthday.  (OK it was technically last week- what can I say, I'm a terrible blog-mother).

One year ago (OK... one year, and one week ago), I had my breakthrough. I had my ENOUGH IS ENOUGH moment! I decided it was time to tackle vaginismus once and for all, and decided to set up a blog to encourage myself to keep the treatment up, and, ideally, to connect with other women who also have the condition. The main dream was to find another woman with vaginismus and meet her face to face.

Setting up Hey Vaginismus! was one of the best things I have ever done.

I have connected with a huge amount of women over email, twitter and via the blog, who all know exactly how I feel.  We have supported one another to keep going, try new dilator tactics, talk more openly with our friends and family, keep up therapy appointments and to believe that there might be an end to this.

As it happens, there hasn't been an end for me yet.  But, over this past year, I have come so close.  I am not looking on that as a failure.  I have had some moments of vagina brilliance, and although it hasn't ended in full-on penetration, it has given me a the belief that one day it will be possible.

I had an unexpectedly busy year- my little freelance business has gone off the scale crazy and unfortunately that has meant that my brain has had little time for vaginismus.  As we all know, it's the first thing to be shut out when things get hectic.  You can't avoid work, family commitments, your partner, your friends, your hobbies... But you can easily avoid the hell out of vaginismus.  And I suppose that is what I have been doing.  Every now and again, it floats back on to my radar and I think about getting my dilators out, but then I have to go somewhere, or do something, or reply to 50 emails.  And just like that, it's gone again.

Now don't worry. This isn't one of these THIS IS THE TURNING POINT, I AM GOING TO STOP AVOIDING IT!!!

Because we all know, that probably isn't going to happen overnight.

But this is perhaps the time to at least consider it.  Or consider the fact that it is still in my life.  Do I want to be sitting in exactly the same position when Hey Vaginismus! turns two?  Absolutely not. But it won't go away by itself.  So I am going to have to do something... right?

But let's keep this post upbeat! Happy Birthday, Hey Vaginismus!  A little blog that started out of a mixture of curiosity and boredom one afternoon, that has led to so many wonderful conversations with amazing women, trying to make sense of a really complex condition.

We are all amazing, ladies!  And one day, our vaginas will comply, and sex will be amazing too! (And going swimming on your period. WOW!)

So, how am I celebrating the first birthday of the blog?  Well, tomorrow, I am sitting down FACE TO FACE with another woman who has vaginismus.  Seriously.  In a spectacular case of right place, right time, a blog reader and I have found ourselves briefly in the same city, with a few free hours to talk vag.  This was the original aim of the blog, as you'll know.  It may have taken a year but I am so excited that it's finally happening!

Thanks for spending this past year-and-one-week with me... I look forward to chatting more as the vaginismus journey goes on... xx