Tuesday, 5 April 2016

The Island of Vaginismus

GUESS WHAT? I just used my dilators. AGAIN. This wee 15 minutes a day thing might actually be realistic.

The nice thing about Hey Vaginismus! is that I know that people are actually reading about what I am doing.  You might even be checking up on me... This is a pretty big motivator not to slip up.  I hate being proven wrong!

So, I am pleased to report another successful dilator-fest.  Only went up to D2 again today... it felt more comfortable than yesterday, so might move on up tomorrow. But there's no rush.

Oh look at me and my new, chilled out perspective on dilators!

So I won't bore you with the ins and outs of what I did tonight.  It's not that different from last night.

Instead, I am going to babble on about some of the lovely people I have 'met' through this blog.  **Cue emotional music**

When I first started Hey Vaginismus!, I didn't really know whether anyone would actually read it.  I was going to chart my journey through vaginismus treatment, but my biggest hope was to find a fellow sufferer who lives nearby, who I could meet face to face for coffee and swapping of dilator stories.

While I have yet to find my Real-Life Vaginismus friend, I am pretty much blown away by the number of internet vaginismus friends that I have made.  I hear from at least one new woman every week who has the condition.  My vaginismus friends live all over the world, are different ages, some are single, some are in relationships... we're all different, but in so many ways we are all exactly the same.  I have lost count of the number of women who have said that whilst reading Hey Vaginismus! they have felt that it could have been written by them.  This is nothing to do with my skills as a writer.  It's because vaginismus does the same things to all of our brains- it makes us sad, scared, angry, irritable, ashamed, irrational, embarrassed... At other times, it makes us feel triumphant, excited, hopeful, loved...

But more often than not it makes us feel alone.

Until, we connect with one another.

Our little vaginismus island, where we sit alone most of the time worrying about drowning in hopelessness, suddenly feels a bit safer.  It's time to turn these islands into a big Vaginismus City.

I know some of my vaginismus friends by name.  Some of them, like me on this blog, are anonymous.

But they're all there for me.  And I'm there for them.

It's an amazing network of women who KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M ON ABOUT.

So, if you're a reader of the blog, and have yet to get in touch and say hello, PLEASE DO!  There's so many of us out there, and just sharing experiences with a fellow sufferer can feel like a huge weight being lifted.

Wish you were here! x



  1. An overcomer to be6 April 2016 at 00:22

    I just wanna say that I'm new to your blog and I started to check it almost every day. Two posts in a row is a record :) Your blog is such a motivation for me. Thanks a bunch for this blog and keep going!

  2. Thank you! Yeah I'm stretching myself this week (literally and figuratively!) and thought if I'm trying to dilate every day, might as well try and post here every day! Glad you like reading it xx

  3. Thank you for writing this blog! You are awesome for not only working hard on this life challenge, but for sharing your journey with others. I started dilators just after you started this blog and feel comforted by reading your experiences. I quit reading your blog and the message boards back in December because I wanted to focus on my own experience and not compare to others, and have just now come back to check on how you're doing. Your determination is infectious!
    I also had quite a break from insertions the past month, and am getting back in the routine. Transitioning to sex is really, really hard (we started trying in February, but got discouraged and quit). I believe we can get to that point this year, but it is going to take some seriously hard work. Here we go!

    1. Hello! Thank you so much for commenting, and sorry it's taken so long to reply. Really hope you're getting ok and showing those dilators who's boss! Let me know how it's all going xx

  4. Hello I came across your blog late yesterday night after another unsuccessful attempt at penetration. I am so glad to have found this site and will continue to follow your progress. I have not started any professional treatment because I thought that I could somehow overcome this on my own. But i quickly learned that this is not the case so I am trying to figure out where to start in the treatment process. On the bright side, I have made some sort of progress on my own. I can now look at the inside of my vagina with a mirror without feeling queasy or sick to my stomach. I can now touch my clit without freaking out however I am still terrified of putting my fingers inside my vagina. I am 21 years old and I feel so left out because my friends have amazing sex lives while young and I only get as far as having oral sex :( My body craves it but my vagina wont allow it. Its very frustrating and I feel hopeless, but your story is inspiring me to get help. Thank you!

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