GUESS WHAT? I just used my dilators. AGAIN. This wee 15 minutes a day thing might actually be realistic.
The nice thing about Hey Vaginismus! is that I know that people are actually reading about what I am doing. You might even be checking up on me... This is a pretty big motivator not to slip up. I hate being proven wrong!
So, I am pleased to report another successful dilator-fest. Only went up to D2 again today... it felt more comfortable than yesterday, so might move on up tomorrow. But there's no rush.
Oh look at me and my new, chilled out perspective on dilators!
So I won't bore you with the ins and outs of what I did tonight. It's not that different from last night.
Instead, I am going to babble on about some of the lovely people I have 'met' through this blog. **Cue emotional music**
When I first started Hey Vaginismus!, I didn't really know whether anyone would actually read it. I was going to chart my journey through vaginismus treatment, but my biggest hope was to find a fellow sufferer who lives nearby, who I could meet face to face for coffee and swapping of dilator stories.
While I have yet to find my Real-Life Vaginismus friend, I am pretty much blown away by the number of internet vaginismus friends that I have made. I hear from at least one new woman every week who has the condition. My vaginismus friends live all over the world, are different ages, some are single, some are in relationships... we're all different, but in so many ways we are all exactly the same. I have lost count of the number of women who have said that whilst reading Hey Vaginismus! they have felt that it could have been written by them. This is nothing to do with my skills as a writer. It's because vaginismus does the same things to all of our brains- it makes us sad, scared, angry, irritable, ashamed, irrational, embarrassed... At other times, it makes us feel triumphant, excited, hopeful, loved...
But more often than not it makes us feel alone.
Until, we connect with one another.
Our little vaginismus island, where we sit alone most of the time worrying about drowning in hopelessness, suddenly feels a bit safer. It's time to turn these islands into a big Vaginismus City.
I know some of my vaginismus friends by name. Some of them, like me on this blog, are anonymous.
But they're all there for me. And I'm there for them.
It's an amazing network of women who KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M ON ABOUT.
So, if you're a reader of the blog, and have yet to get in touch and say hello, PLEASE DO! There's so many of us out there, and just sharing experiences with a fellow sufferer can feel like a huge weight being lifted.
Wish you were here! x