Monday, 5 October 2015

Vagi- WHAT?!



That's right.

I am a (very young looking... ahem...)  thirty year old woman, living with the condition vaginismus and feeling a bit annoyed about the whole thing.

Vaginismus is a seldom discussed, but actually very common, condition affecting woman. describes it, in a very small nutshell, as

What is Vaginismus?

Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have

While this is definitely true, there are plenty other rubbish things that go hand in hand with this condition that I will go into great and gory detail about throughout this blog.  In short, a phobia of ones own vagina; inability to actually touch or look at your own genitals because it makes you feel like throwing up; gripping fear that you'll never be able to have children; feeling like your depriving your partner of a proper, normal sex life; not being able to go swimming on your period; lying to your friends about your epic shag-fest lifestyle... to name but a few...

Meanwhile, while all of these things are  happening you know it's crazy.  Half the population have vaginas, and things are supposed to go in there! What the hell is wrong with you?!

It is worth pointing out here that vaginismus is a psychological condition. Not physical. There's nothing ACTUALLY wrong with the shape, size etc of my vag.  It's all in the brain. Brilliant.

Dont worry though! This is not going to be one of those ranty, feel sorry for me and tell me it's going to be OK, sort of blogs.

I have two main aims:

1. Raise awareness and get people TALKING ABOUT this condition that has blighted my entire adult life.  I am pretty sure most people don't even know it exists and those that do know about it (because they have it) are too embarrassed to say so.

2. Actually sit down face to face with another woman who has vaginismus, and have a coffee (or something stronger) and TALK ABOUT IT. Apparently this condition is common... where are all the women?!

I have been annoyed of late, as I have been trying very hard to overcome this condition through a range of delightful exercises, all aimed at me getting to know and love my vagina. These exercises are emotionally draining, uncomfortable and sometimes hilarious.  If I had any other condition that commonly affects women, I would easily be able to find support groups, and other real live women to talk to, share stories with and support one another.  Vaginismus is a very lonely condition. You know there are others out there, but you feel like you're the only one.  Even on the very few online forums I've found, women use false names for fear of being found out.

Now the massive irony here is that I am hoping to raise awareness, and break down the stigma, but I am also currently using a false name and hiding my identity, for fear of being found out.  At this stage, I'm not ready to be 'outed' (in fact, the only people that know I have vaginismus are my husband and my therapist, so dont feel offended. My mum doesnt even know.)

But hopefully over the weeks, months etc, as I continue to progress with treatment, this will change and I'll be able to be OPEN (vaginally and otherwise...!)

If you read this, and you want to chat:


  1. As someone who recently blogged about having a very small penis, I kind of feel some empathy. Good luck with this blog but more importantly good luck with your life. Cos I know how my issue could have affected my life

  2. Primary Vaginismus.
    If you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.

    It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.
    So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.
    Or be CELIBATE.
    That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception. Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of therapy which is just time consuming.

    Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
    God does NOT want you to have sex.
    If your a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.
    God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
    FACE IT! You have a NUN'S VAGINA.
    It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.

    VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
    God truly works in strange ways.

    I am now an enlightened man.

    1. Maypaki.... You found me...
      I have seen you posting this same stuff on other vaginismus sites and I must say, you intrigue me. Who ARE you? Why are you so obsessed with vaginismus and with spouting your beliefs to women who suffer from it? I can only assume you have some personal experience of a partner with the condition? Hope so- otherwise, this is just too weird.
      Anyway, I urge you to stop this. It's unhelpful and insensitive. And SPOILER ALERT: We're not all going to become nuns.
      Thanks bye.