The thing about vaginismus, is that it's really easy to focus on the negatives. The stuff you still have ahead of you. The things you haven't been able to do yet. The fear never really goes away. Even when things are going REALLY WELL.
So in this post, I thought I'd take a moment to celebrate my successes. Hope you don't mind. It's not a very British thing to do, to talk about things that you have done that are actually good. But I'm going to. So here it is.
- I can look at my vagina without being a bit sick in my own mouth
- I can touch my vagina without similar sick situation
- I've gotten to know my vagina. I feel ownership over it, and, hey! I actually quite like it!
- I haven't skipped any therapy appointments. Even when I've been tired, busy, under the weather or just plain lazy- I have walked through the doors of my therapists office and talked.
- I have been using my dilators on a regular basis.
- I've conquered D0, D1 and about 3/4 of D2
- I am not beating myself up that I haven't done all of D2 yet. It'll happen when my vagina is ready for it
- I haven't taken D3 out of it's little bag. I am not rushing ahead
- My husband inserted his finger into my vagina. LIKE ACTUAL OMG
- My husband and I are spending more time together... naked.
- We're laughing about it. We make hilarious vaginismus jokes that nobody else would understand. Because this is our thing. We don't want it to be our thing, but it is, so we might as well laugh about it
- I've accepted it. I have vaginismus. Not ideal. But the only person who can sort it is me. So I will
12 Things. That's 12 things I couldn't/ wouldn't do two months ago.
I have made 12 steps forward in two months.
When you think about it like that... it's doesn't seem quite so bad.
If you're reading this, and you're going through what I'm going through, make that list! And tell me about it!
email firstname.lastname@example.org or tweeeeeeet @heyvaginismus